have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
