You just made me feel so damn special
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
