Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
