i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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