dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
