I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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