I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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