you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
