i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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