Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Randomize
