i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
