i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The uberlube is also flammable
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
