Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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