I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
