just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
