I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
