I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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