in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
