it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
