There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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