i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize