Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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