I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
