eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
