"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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