mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
