Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
