Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize