found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
