Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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