I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
