I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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