Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
