community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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