dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize