Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
