I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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