I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
