Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
