Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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