At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
