I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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