Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
