he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
