she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
