Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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