It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
im six kinds of drunk right now
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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