There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
