I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
