he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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