I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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