Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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