he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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