Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
