I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize