I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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