So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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