I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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