R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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