Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
