Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
there is glitter all over my balls
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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