it's too hot outside to masturbate.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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