is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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