WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
